Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize