Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
