I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
