dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
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