You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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