sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i think my tv is drunk
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
