You're so nebulous sometimes
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
