It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
