I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize