So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
