the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
