I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
