That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
