I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Bring me that man meat
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
