you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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