Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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