I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
