I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
