what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
