she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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