I heard we made out
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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