I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Randomize
