Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize