Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
