Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
