I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
