I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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