I puked a lego.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
