Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
