This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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