I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
its not stalking. its research.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize