I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
do herpes really smell.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Randomize
