before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
