Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
