instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
