she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
