He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
