Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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