So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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