i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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