Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
