Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
