i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
