i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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