the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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