Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
