He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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