I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
