i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
