votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
