I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
