operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
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