I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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