yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
