So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You pole danced in your parka.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
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