Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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