i would punch a child for taco bell
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
