The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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