so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
