no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
