Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize