i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
