I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
