If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
