I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
