FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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