i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
