**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
