so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
