Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
