I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
