Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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