Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
3pm strippers are depressing
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
