The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
