youre lurking in front of me
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Drunk is not a location!
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
