Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
